Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
