i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
