We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
