Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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