I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
