If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
