Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
