Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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