All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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