The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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