I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
