We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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