Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
