im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
