life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
