I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's always time for handjobs
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
