so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
