You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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