I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
