I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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