sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need to calm my uterus...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
