I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Betty ford says i'm here all night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
