I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
