why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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