I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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