My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
