i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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