k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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