i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
