I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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