apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
