so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
