I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
