Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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