getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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