He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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