I feel like abortions should bother me more
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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