to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
