i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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