Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
