She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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