It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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