i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i drank out of a bidet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
