i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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