Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
