Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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