don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im six kinds of drunk right now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
