he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
