At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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