im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
