I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
