I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
