I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
