fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
