is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
