I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
