We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
