I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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