nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
